Exercise 6 Part 2

Friendships are extremely complex relationships, especially when they are between the opposite genders. Many people think that males and females can be friends with each other without ever developing deeper feelings, but that is not the case. After interviewing five different people in regards to this topic, I have come to the conclusion that within any male-female friendship, there has been or will be, at least on one side of the friendship, romantic thoughts or feelings.

            The first person I interviewed was my good friend Erin. She is someone who is primarily friends with guys, for guys are a lot more relaxed and drama free compared to girls. Erin believes strongly that males and females can be friends without ever having to worry about it turning into something more. To prove her case, she describes the close, friendship-only relationship that she has with her male friend, Will. Will and her have been the best of friends ever since they first met each other in elementary school. Erin says that because neither Will nor her have ever had any romantic feelings towards one another, that it proves that males and females can be friends. However, after listening to her reasoning I am still not convinced. Even though Erin may not like any of her guys friends on a deeper level, it does not mean that her guy friends have and/or do like her. Since I know for a fact that at least at one time in their friendship, Erin’s guy friends (with the exception of Will) have thought of her as more than just a friend, guys and girls cannot coincide without the threat of developing intimate feelings.

            Another person I interviewed was my sister, Tyler. Tyler said, contrary to Erin’s strong belief, that guys and girls cannot be just friends. She tells me through personal experience, that throughout that course of all of her friendships with a guy, she or her guy friend have undergone the questioning feelings of taking their relationship to a new level. Another person I interviewed, my friend Jess, said similar things to Tyler. She said that although they may start out as just friends, sometime the physical connection and attraction between men and women are too strong to not develop these feelings. Even with these feelings, Tyler and Jess still carry out stable friendships with males, but they are always aware that anytime their friendship may be threatened by a too powerful physical attraction.

            Contrary to Tyler and Jess, my friends Ben and Josh do not think that co-sex friendships are doomed by the threat of becoming girlfriend- boyfriend. The majority of their friends are girls, and they do not see anything wrong with that. For Ben and Josh, they have always had a ton of girl friends, and never once have they felt that thei physical attraction to one of them has harmed their relationship. Josh told me that although he may be attracted to some of his girl friends, because they are his friends and nothing more, he would never act on it. He thinks that physical attraction is a natural, subconscious thing that is constantly happening, and if every time a boy or a girl who are in a relationship act on their attraction, then there would be no co-sex friendships. Since that is not the case, and clearly there are co-sex friendships, males and females can be friends. I, however, disagree. Just because they don’t act on their thoughts of intimacy regarding their friends, doesn’t mean that it is not there and not threatening their friendship. Although Josh and Ben do have a good point, it is still proven invalid: just because one doesn’t act on said emotions, doesn’t mean that they aren’t threatening ones relationship from under the surface.

            I am someone who has an equal number of girl friends and guy friends. However, I still think that my girl friends are more stable than my guy friends because the friendships I have with my guy friends are constantly being threatened by the possibility of becoming more than friends. From personal experience, I have had times when I have acted on those feelings, and have turned guy friends into boyfriends, and things were great while we were dating. But I have also had times when I have not or my guy friend has not shared in the same hopes of taking our friendship to the next level, and as a result, our friendship became awkward and nonexistent. Due to those past experiences as well as analyzing the different opinions from my peers, I have come to the conclusion that male and female friendships are always going to be threatened due to natural physical attractions.